Meaner than a Snoopy Dawg
by BioDrizzt
Summary: BAH! Vivi hates waking up to Snoop every morning, so he sets out to kill him with a feather. WARNING: Absolutely no sense to this story. Read at risk to your sanity. (Severe language)


Meaner than a Snoopy Dawg  
  
Disclaimer: PISS OFF! But in the meantime, read this legal.. thing.   
Legal thing!   
A lawyer rambles on in the background about how Bill Clinton did not have sex with Monica Lewinsky..   
  
Hrmmm.. Yes.. Ahh.. Right.. Err.. On to the story.   
  
  
Vivi woke one morning, fairly mad. Zidane had been blasting his gangster rap the night before, and it was REALLY pissing Vivi off. Zidane never listened to anything but Snoop Dogg. NOTHING BUT SNOOP! BBBBBLLLLLAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! As for Garnet.. She's been listening the the author's legal jazz, as the lawyer jacked everyone up with coke and convinced them that Bill Clinton was innocent of any sexual crimes against his office, and that George Bush can kiss his ass for all he cared.. But despite the other events, Vivi was just gawddamned mad. He hated snoopy, and the bastard haunted his dreams! He had to do something. Due to severe time shortages, all songs in this fic will be wordless, lifeless MIDIs, and probably won't even be there at all, so don't expect any middle-of-the-flight entertainment. Eiko sat on Vivi's bed, waiting for him to open up the gates of hell that he said were under his bed, and he left the room, locking the door behind him. God, he hated that simple-minded cat thing.   
Annoying events were popping up everywhere. The sounds of Snoop's music haunted his mind.   
The idea that something had to be done struck him once more. He seduced himself into falling off   
of the castle balcony, but landed on the point of his hat. No, suicide would not work. He acted out a Tom Cruise 'Mission Impossible' scene as he avoided imaginary bullets, working his way out of  
the castle grounds. He would head to Snoop's pad, and kill him with..  
Vivi looked down. He didn't have anything to kill Snoop with! Blargh..  
Suddenly, a vulture flew overhead, screeched, and exploded. This pointless entourage turned out to actually have a small point.   
  
A single feather drifted downward, and stabbed him in the back. He died. But, nobody assumed he'd been dead, so there really was no point in being dead. He stood back up, and pulled the feather from his genital area--- Er, I mean, back. He looked it over, and a flock of seagulls flew overhead, imediately dropping rocks. Neo jumped over to Vivi, and executed a Matrix-style bicycle kick before screaming, ' BOOGIDIBAH!' and scattering guns everywhere, then stripping down, and dashing over the desert, howling like a lunatic. Trinity followed, yelling, ' NEO! YOU FORGOT YOUR PROZAC!! '   
  
Vivi face-falted, and continued his walking, the feather in hand. He would gather the fiendish children from Barney to aid his cause! Yes, and then Snoop Dogg would stand no chance..  
  
And Freya. She liked cheese, and he needed someone who would eventually be too constipated to help, thus giving him a reason to complain, as no fic is good without a bit of anger, as without anger it would most likely be devoid of emotion, which is not a good thing, thus resulting in a chain of bad, ungodly, unworldly, horribleness-associated things.  
Suddenly, as he made his way through the desert, everything went black. Clouds rolled in overhead, and the moon jumped out of the sun's pants. The sun died of fright, thus, it was now nighttime. But why? What logical explanation was there for the sun even having a pair of pants?  
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE WORLD COMING TO?!?  
vivi was suddenly scared, for some otherworldly reason unbeknowst to the modern man.  
AKA: The race of impeccably squishy idiots, that is, the only exceptions being the author of this fic (god) and his secretary, Phil. Ohh, the terror.  
Vivi pressed onward, when suddenly.. the barney studio came into view.  
  
Lightning flashed across the sky. Suddenly, Mindy, one of the latest participants, flew from the studio with a bong in her hand, a small capsule at the bottom holding the heated water. Several crank sections flew from the bong, and she hit the ground, imediately dying.   
  
Vivi ran to the corpse, and sighed. " This is a pointless romp through god-awful terrain I'm embarking on. "   
Vivi took the bong as an inventory suvenier, and ran toward the studio. Once to the entrance, three ninjas jumped out from the sides, wearing barney masks and holding plastic knives. They ran at him and sawed away at his robe, leaving not the slightest mark. Vivi screamed as Barney jumped from the roof at him, missing him by seven miles, and squishing into a compact li'l puddle of barney leftovers as he hit the ground. The ninjas ran to Barney's puddle of purpleness and wept over it. Vivi just walked inside the tiny studio, where the children were gang-raping a barney doll. They imediately swiveled their attention to Vivi, who explained his situation. They agreed to help.  
  
They set off, and stopped as the desert turned to snow. "What the fuck? " Vivi looked upward, at the hot, burning sun, then back at the snow, puzzled beyond belief. Each made their way onto the snow, and the barney doll ran off, manically laughing and screaming "FREEEEE! " But was then pulled into the snow by a rather large tentacle. "Ehh.. " drawled a tired Vivi. He suddenly plopped down, and seven singing mushrooms flew down from the sky, splatting on the ground in a pointless happening. Suddenly, they were on top of a perverted mouse-horse-hampster-bird, on their way to Vermillion City. As they dropped, the strange creature exploded. They walked off, thinking nothing of this. They stopped as they took note of Ash throwing pokemon at random naked women, and assaulted him with feathers and plastic knives. He died imediately. The women exploded.  
  
Quite content with their kill, Vivi suddenly toked on the bong, and smashed it over some Barney kid's head. The kid died, and the rest of them, including Vivi, ended up back in FF9 from the crank fumes. The eldest barney kid's head floated off, a balloon string on the end, and left the atmosphere. The rest thought nothing of this, and they walked through the enormous gates before them. Freya awaited them inside. " I'm joining you, and if any of you deprive me of my cheese, I swear I'll ram this holy lance up your ass. "  
Vivi nodded weakly in agreement, and they progressed into the city ahead. A large, tacky-looking mansion lay ahead. Suddenly, a random chef/restaurant owner thing NPC ran up to them, and threw cheeseburgers at them. "EVIIIIL! YOU'RE ALL EEEEEVIL! " He now sprayed them with ketchup. " And not JUST evil, oh NOOOO! So evil, that not even the most evil of evil could out the evil in you evil people! EEEVIL! You, most assuredly, are the source of all evil. "  
  
Freya stole a block of cheese from his pocket, and the chef snatched it back. "MINE! " Freya dashed at him and kicked him in the balls. The chef laughed manically through sobs of pain. She turned him around and ran the holy lance up his ass, and he said " Freya.. I really must ask you.. are you.. related to.. Micky Mouse? " That had been the last straw. Freya bore her claws, and a cloud of dust surrounded them. The chef flew from the cloud and Sephiroth ran into the town, and laughed, then exploded. The chef exploded as well. Ignoring the whole pointless ordeal, they continued through the deserted streets, as a cat commited mass murder on a few people singing singles from Vanilla Ice. They reached the large gates, and the barney kids all exploded. Freya jumped the gates, and imediately, her lance flew over the gates with a note tied to it. Vivi touched the lance and it screamed, then exploded. A few newspaper-like letters fluttered to the ground, altogether saying: "EEEW!"  
  
Vivi tapped the gate and it screamed, breaking into a thousand pieces.  
  
Vivi danced about as he witnessed a naked Snoog sitting on Freya's foot.   
  
This pointless act of abusing the art of dance was intolerable, so the author(god) banned Vivi's dancing from the fic herein. Snoop manically laughed, and ran at Vivi. Vivi threw his feather, which fluttered down, and barely brushed Snoop's arm. He began to cry, and fell into a thousand pieces. "Er.. 'Kay.. "  
  
BUAHAHAH! (END) 


End file.
